Friendships can be hard…even when you’re an adult. When you think about the things kids go through – shifting alliances, balancing acts, secrets and stories, laughter and tears – is really that different from the ebb and flow of adult friendships? If we look at our own experiences, can we see the similarities?
The difference, of course, is that adults (many adults, anyway) have coping skills. We might not like it when a friendship takes a turn that we didn’t see coming, but it doesn’t have to overwhelm us. It doesn’t have to stop us in our tracks and make us feel like we are less in some way because of it.
I’ve been there. I know that overwhelming disappointment that can accompany friendship loss. I know what it feels like to dissect every interaction to try to pinpoint the moment when things shifted. I know what it feels like to be left behind and wonder if I wasn’t enough. But I also know how to cope with all of that. Whether or not I want to encounter those feelings and deal with those losses, I do know how to work through them.
Most kids don’t. Friendships shift and change. Sometimes kids fall into maladaptive patterns because they don’t know how to connect. They try new strategies in an effort to connect and establish bonds. Sometimes those strategies are good and lead to new and interesting friendships, but sometimes those strategies are misguided and unintentionally hurtful to others.
The good news is that we all have the opportunity to empower our girls. We can teach them adaptive strategies to make and keep friends. When they make mistakes, which they will (they are kids, after all), we can use those teachable moments to help them find new and better strategies. We can guide them and build them up. We can empower them to make positive choices.
We can make a difference. In a world where mean girls seem scary and powerful, we can choose to raise nice girls, instead.
Please join me over at Everyday Family for some good tips on an important topic, because nice girls really do finish first.
Teach kindness, my friends. Kindness always wins.